


You Are the Moon

by QueennorKing



Category: Transformers, Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergent, NSFW, Other, Self Insert, because im determined to fix this trash, fixing the bay movies, hints at pseudo apocalypse i guess, not a big deal, optimus stays good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 17:09:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14193687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueennorKing/pseuds/QueennorKing
Summary: You're Mikaela's cousin who got dragged into this mess, you stuffed the Allspark in Megatron's spark, but that apparently didn't stop the Decepticons much. Now there's two civil wars, the world has kinda ended, but humans and Cybertronians alike are alive and kicking on both fields. You work with the Revolution, you do some good, you're in love with Optimus, but that's all old news.Then Ratchet decides he's sick of watching you two make goo goo eyes at each other and takes matters into his own servos.Or, alternatively titled, Ratchet embarrasses the hell out of you and Optimus, but it works.





	You Are the Moon

“Y/N, I couldn’t help but notice how your pheromone levels spike when Optimus is around.”

You feel the drink in your hand slip, but you catch it before it before it falls out of your hands. Words sputter out of your mouth until you have the sense to shut it, eyes pinning Ratchet.

“Excuse me?” You manage, your voice tight even to your own ears.

“It suggests you would like to – “

You wip around, making sure no one’s around to witness this debacle and the destruction of your pride. You don’t even catch the rest of his sentence, blood rushing in your ears from embarrassment, knowing exactly what he was going to say before he even said it. It was just Ratchet’s way of saying things, but that didn’t make it any more okay!

Sure enough, no one was outside so early in the morning. No one that would care anyway. You sat on a table, trying to enjoy your breakfast and the warm, late spring morning. Or you had been, before the doc bot decided to join you.

“ _Ratchet!_ ” You hiss, cheeks hot. “It wasn’t okay when you said it to Sam, it’s not okay when you say it to me! It’s not okay, period! What is wrong with you?”

He has enough sense to look somewhat startled and ashamed. “I was merely curious. You know Optimus shares a similar interest in you, yes?”

Your drink falls out of your hand and lands on the table. You scramble to catch it before it teeters over and makes a mess of your cereal, which you just manage to succeed by the tips of your fingers. Literally.

A sigh takes all the air out of your lungs as you rub at the space between your brows. “Ratch – no. Just no.”

He cocks his head, mildly concerned. Either for your blood pressure or your inability to believe him, you don’t care to tell. “If you won’t believe me, suit yourself. But I can still offer advice on positions and how safely mate. Did you know the we Cybertronian’s reproduce in a similar way as you humans? I’m not saying that it’s possible to make offspring, though it would be a happy miracle if you did!”

You feel your eyes glaze over as you stared at somewhere past his elbow. This couldn’t be happening. This is in no way actually happening to you right now. You just wanted to eat some cereal and watch the sunrise before it started raining, dammit. How do these things happen to you.

* * *

 

You were visiting your cousin on a weekend away from college when that disaster happened. Mikaela had sent you a text saying that she was on her way home then… didn’t. Didn’t respond to your texts asking if she was okay, or where she was, and you were halfway to calling the cops when she called you.

“Y/N, I am in the back of a crazy Camaro and being _chased_ by a _monster car!_ ”

There was some fumbling and you heard another voice and the sound of a radio. “Mikaela!? Mikaela, where are you?”

Her voice returned, spouting off her location. “I don’t know what’s going on, I’m with some guy from school I barely know – just – “ the signal fuzzed and you were on the brink of a panic before her it returned. “ _Please_ help!” Which made you panic a little more, but now it had purpose. As much as panic can, in any case.

And that’s how you grabbed your baseball bat and kicked a spidery alien motherfucker in the teeth, before Mikaela chopped it up to bite sized pieces. There are few times you’ve been more proud of your cousin. Especially since she had the sense to call an adult who she trusted.

You often argued that you weren’t much more of an adult than she was, you were just... adultier… And then you were the only adult who had the best interest of two teenagers at heart in a clusterfuck of an alien and government mess led by incompetent assholes.

You still get a glow of pride when you reminded Simmons that he was verbally and sexually harassing a pair of minors and proceeded to twist his balls until they were black and blue and bleeding. Ah, to be back when things were simple, and your biggest headache was having to argue with Lennox and Sam about who carries the Allspark. Big news, it was going to be you, because Sam was a kid and he deserved to be away fray as much as possible.

* * *

 

And now you had headaches like split up factions of humans as well as Cybertronians. Making sure havens are kept away from Decepticons, that refugees could make it to the havens in the first place. Meetings, designing new weapons and armor, _testing_ incredibly dangerous prototype weapons and armor. Just human rebel things.

And, apparently, an old alien robot trying to teach you how to have safe sex with his boss.

You had all but tuned him out when he smiles at someone behind you. “Wouldn’t you say, Optimus?”

No gods are with you today, it seems. Your back goes ramrod straight and, though it was almost painful to do so, you slowly look over your shoulder.

Yep. There he is. Big, blue, tall, and handsome standing right fucking behind you and looking every bit as embarrassed as you feel. Your head snaps back into place and a long, violent hiss passes your bared teeth.

You can hear them both opening their mouths to speak, but before any more years could be shaved off your life, you pick up your bowl of (now soggy and disgusting) cereal and your drink. “I think I’m gonna – “ You edge away from the table and back towards your studio, “Mmm’, I’m gonna go – I think – yeah…” You try not to look like a chicken as you speed away. “Byyye.”

Your head hit the door when you closed it behind you. The sky began to turn a light gray through the windows.

* * *

 

You had hoped that would be the end of it, but nooooooo.

Your holo buzzed during a meeting, and since you’re using it to take notes, it appears before everyone. Everyone quiets, expecting, just as you do, that Ratchet had something he wants to bring to attention. So, you answer the call and his image fills your holoscreen.

“Hello Ratchet.”

He grins. “Y/N, I’m glad you answered my call.” That makes you pause, but he continues. “I was wondering if we could continue our discussion – “

You feel yourself pale. “ _Ratchet_ ,” You try to keep yourself from looking suspicious by forcing a smile, “I’m in the middle of a meeting.”

“That’s quite alright. Now, about possible positions –“

“ _Bye, Ratchet_.” You slam the end call button, the holo turns off. Now everyone in the room is watching you; Maggie, Lennox, ugh, Simmons. You fold your hands together in a show of calm, your jaw twitches. “Anyway, what were we saying?"

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Ratchet stares at where your face had been just a moment before. He huffs. “Rude.”

Ironhide tries to smother his laughter with his servos, his shoulders shaking. When Ratchet pins him with a look, he dissolves, howling all the way out the door.

He watches him leave, a frown pulling at his lips, “You too.”

But his work beckons and he’s quick to return to it. He’ll corner you later if need be.

Just as he pulls up some specs on a holo, he hears the garage roll open. He offers the newcomer a quick glance before returning to the holo. “Optimus, good to see you.” Though he pretends to be focused on the project, he watches his leader’s reflection as he comes to lean against the counter, looking exhausted.

Optimus frowns at the floor, thoughts tumbling over and over in his processor. “Ratchet.” He finally says, looking up to gaze at his friend’s back.

Ratchet hums, still feigning interest in the blueprint.

“Could you tell me more… of what you were saying to Y/N.”  

That get’s his attention. He switches off the holo and turns around, beaming at Optimus. “Of course!”

* * *

 

“… Of course, you should mass shift whenever you choose to be intimate, as it will reduce the risk of harm to Y/N. And do use lots of lubricant, as even mass shifted you’re still much bigger than they are – “

You could not believe what you were hearing.

You couldn’t believe you were standing in the doorway, listening to this conversation.

You couldn’t believe they hadn’t noticed you.

You couldn’t believe Ratchet was telling Optimus how to _properly fuck you_.

This was in no way happening.

Yes, _yes_ , you want Optimus. You want Optimus so badly it hurt sometimes. His kindness, his soft - spoken way, his determination to be gentle, his frame, his voice, his everything. You’ve loved him for a long time.

But, it’s _Optimus_. Optimus never seemed interested in a relationship out of being good friends. He was too busy bringing more Autobots to the havens on Earth, and the Decepticons, and the civil war – both of them – and so many other things it hurt your head trying to count them all. And you didn’t blame him, you never blamed him for not noticing you, for being preoccupied. Or at least, you thought…

But here he is, listening intently to Ratchet’s lesson and studying the diagram of the human body on the holo.

Instead of making this awkward, you decided you’ve had enough for the day. You turned around and walked to your studio. Maybe, if you got the courage, you’d hit up Ratchet later.

**Author's Note:**

> bay movies are hot garbage and bay himself can swallow bees, but goddamn that Optimus is Good. until they mess him up.  
> I'm also very aware of all my writing mistakes this isn't beta'd  
> Anyway, thanks for reading, love ya bye.


End file.
